


Lost Angel

by Nadja_Lee



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Fluff, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-11-12
Updated: 2003-11-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22822777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Jonas thinks about Daniel and how much he misses him.Written in 2003 and moved here
Relationships: Daniel Jackson/Jonas Quinn
Kudos: 7





	Lost Angel

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to the angel of my life; Sorciere. Love you always!
> 
> Thanks so much to Dee Dee for beta! *hugs*

**Lost Angel**

Emotions have always been unexplainable; why do we love the ones we love? I do not know. By all accounts you and me should never have been and I certainly shouldn't have fallen so fast and so deep but I did. I had never met anyone like you, Daniel.

Before you entered my life everything was grey and dull. You carried such warmth and light into my life; I cannot explain just how much that means to me. I've never felt love, never been held like you held me…your eyes…so blue and so filled with love. I had never seen anything like that.

No one has ever understood me like you did. All my life I was raised in logic and science but my spirit always wished to soar free. Your spirit could reach the sky and you taught me how to fly. You broke the chains that kept me grounded; you gave me wings and helped me rise high above the clouds.

I cannot put into words all you gave me. It only lasted a few weeks but we lived and loved for a lifetime. There was a connection between us neither of us could explain though you tried and did as always a brilliant job. I could spend hours simply watching you, enjoying the view of you. I loved every little thing about you; your compassion, life, light and warmth. Having you in my embrace was like holding on to a small sun.

I had never known happiness till you found me and taught me how sweet love could be. You cared for me, wanted to listen to me…just the way you looked at me…No one has ever looked at me like that; before or since.

Looking back I could speculate if you somehow knew we would have such short time together; was that why you gave me the love of a lifetime in a few weeks time? Even in our happiest moments your eyes held a hint of sadness that I first now remember.

With the greatest joy also comes the greatest sorrow and the loss of you nearly broke me. How could you leave me like that? You could at least have let me join you in death but no; my alien physiology prevented me from dying like you had, giving me a little protection from the runaway radiation. I was frozen with terror, like watching a star explode, as you shattered glass and ended your own life. Every night I see you again and again…dying over and over again. Sometimes you blame me for it…mostly you just end up dead…cold and alone.

The world started the day I met you and ended the day I lost you but I could not let you rest in peace. Your memory tormented me with bittersweet sorrow and I knew I had to try and do something…anything. I left all I knew behind, I had prayed I could have seen you one last time but they wouldn't let me see you…I never got to say goodbye.

I've been here for a few months now. They all more or less dislike me and ignore me but I feel too numb right now to feel much pain over that. What grieves me the most is that they don't know how much I loved you…how much you loved me. It may have been just a flicker of time but it was all the happiness I ever got. You gave me far more than I ever asked for; your love and your life…I asked for neither but you being you gave me both without a second thought. I just pray I can prove myself worthy of your gifts.

I've read all there is about Ascension and I hope wherever you may be then you're finally at peace. Thinking back you always had a bit of melancholy over you; you wanted to save everyone but not everyone can or wants to be saved and I saw how that pained you to admit. Sometimes late at night I think I feel a warm breeze go around me, embrace me…one time I had even fallen asleep studying in my desperate eager to prove myself worthy of the gift you gave me…When I woke up someone had covered me with a blanket and I know no one would have cared to do so…No one but you. Even now…. even now you care for me and my heart aches painfully with loss and love at the thought.

They say that grief lessens with time; they lie. I walk in your shadow and your memory every day; you're all around me. I cannot let you go but I cannot share the happiest moments of my life with anyone either…Not that I could find anyone who would listen to me.

I remember the night before the end; before the world broke down. You held me tight and I felt safe and loved. I remember you told me of Earth and I said I would love to see it. You spoke of taking me there; of showing me all kind of things. It was a great fantasy which now rings so painfully hollow considering I could see those things now…But not ever with you or anyone else… Alone again as I was before we met.

I will never regret meeting you despite the agony of losing you. My guilt and pain is worth the precious moments where I held your love and affection. Love and loss…love and pain…I don't think they were ever meant to be separated; this is what love feels like and it's the greatest agony and the greatest joy there is.

The other night I read the last book I hadn't yet read from the base library. It was about Earth religion and it spoke of angels. Beings of light, love and warmth. Beings too good to be true; too warm and caring to survive in an imperfect world.

My beloved Daniel…My lost love…You must have been an alien to this world as I am…You were not an Earthling after all. You were an Angel. I see it now….You must have been an Angel.

The End


End file.
